We Have Your Penguin

Toga In DC

2008-02-05T16:31:00.000-08:00

Toga was spotted in Washington DC as he had left a facility where he had just come out of a meeting with the powers of be concerning the animal cloning project that the government has established. Toga was in a rage when he found out that the U.S government approved the eating/consumption of cloned animals. He said my life is in jeopardy now since carnivores all around can now eat pretty much any animal on the street. I can’t believe is country is moving in this direction, the next thing you know they will be cloning passed historical figures and it will then be and all out chaos. These are the surveillance photos that were acquired in Herndon, VA:

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The Emperor Penguin Strikes Back

2008-01-11T01:51:00.000-08:00

Our little feathered friend has been keeping quite a few secrets as of late. One of our Portland operatives recently discovered some suspicious activities in the heart of Maine. It seems as if Toga has some kind of secret facility deep in no man's land.

At first glance, his facility would seem like an empty shack in the woods, but when one looks closely at the details, they would see that it is powered, with a state of the art security system. Our operative had to maintain a safe distance from the penguin as not to trigger the perimeter alarms hidden in the snow. Unfortunately he was unable to tell what was going on in the shack, or even how many levels were hidden underground. We do know that Toga spent several hours in there and seemed to come out with nothing but a smile.

We assumed our operative had remained concealed, but we were obviously wrong as he later succumbed to a fatal case of mudbutt. This is a signature Toga move, once again flaunting his capabilities and wiping it in our faces. We may never know what Toga was doing or where that facility is located, as our operative died before being able to transmit the coordinates, but we were able to retrieve the agents pictures:

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Off the Grid

2008-01-10T03:25:00.000-08:00

It has taken us a while, but we have finally been able to find the hospital in Olympia, Washington where Toga had that "foreign object" removed. There, we were able to confirm that the "mysterious object" that was removed was the GPS tracking device we had previously placed under Toga's shoulder blade.

It took us so long to confirm because on the night of Toga's disappearance, there were suddenly scores of duplicate signals that we started getting from all over the country. This impeded our ability to reliably track Toga because the signals frequently converged and spread apart, thwarting any attempts to follow one single path. With the removal of this tracker, Toga is now off of our grid.

Our efforts to keep track of the bird have been further curtailed, as Cary Police have effectively shut down our North Carolina operations by seizing our penguin information database, "as evidence in an ongoing investigation." We finally know how Toga's payoff has paid off. One warrant and 20 years of information on our servers is gone indefinitely. Thankfully we have a map at the bottom of this blog of where we have confirmed Toga sitings.

Right now, we aren't sure where Toga is going to show up, but we do know that he is planning something big. One of our field operatives saw an article in yesterday's Orlando Times that show Toga's propaganda machine in full effect. We agree with the profiler that the picture is definitely Toga's handiwork, we just don't know what to make of it yet. We are doing our best to uncover the full contents of what was in that box.

Spotted Causing Trouble

2007-12-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

We have some new evidence that Toga has been quite busy recently. He's recently been on a little escapade down south and the results are very telling.

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Merry Christmas

2007-12-23T22:11:00.000-08:00

Master Strategist

2007-12-17T23:04:00.000-08:00

When we first started observing Toga, we assumed that we were dealing with an ordinary delinquent penguin. Sitting underneath his red fishnet day in and day out, Toga seemed plain. With the exception of his belly tattoo, he could fade into a crowd of penguins without ever being noticed. Even with the tattoo, it was common enough to pass for normal. It wasn't until recent events that we began to realize our own naiveté.

Toga is exceptional in a lot of ways. We’ve been observing, kidnapping, reeducating, and deep frying penguins for the last fifteen years or so. We’ve had government sponsors, corporations, and private individuals seek out our talents before we decided to freelance for the good of society. Never have we been so thwarted in our attempts to keep a tail on a penguin.

When Toga escaped from that three city raid, we initially thought he was simply embezzling $150 grand. In light of new facts, it seems that it was a bit more. As it turns out, ALL of the individuals involved in the ring have died of bird flu. This in and of it self is phenomenal as it is only 60% fatal; with a quarantine of 30 suspects only 18 should have died, aside from the fact that most penguin fighting handlers tend to develop immunity. So there is no further need to prosecute as ALL suspects are deceased. North Carolina just happens to have a law on the books that allows arresting departments to "absorb" funds that were obtained by illegal means if there is no defendant to prosecute. $600 large. Toga effectively paid off an entire police force $600,000. This is more than a little disturbing. We have no idea of how the consequences of this pay-off will manifest itself, but it can't be good.

Then there was the whole UFO incident, which by itself would seem like a wild goose chase. But when you couple this with the chaos he has been causing in the greater penguin society, he’s a menace. Tracking down one penguin at a time is hard enough, but the prospect of a penguin uprising is chilling. Toga is masterfully playing to the fundamental fears of all penguins. The more he fuels the flames of distrust amongst his fellow penguins, the better he is able to execute his nefarious schemes unnoticed. If he is successful, it will be brother against brother as the entire world is inevitably sucked into their avian dispute.

Toga has a created a publicity machine that rivals that of any of the current political candidates. Thankfully, he does have flaws, and hopefully these flaws will bring us closer to his re-education. We’ve recently observed him flaunting his success. His little stunt in San Francisco not only taunted the natural order of Darwinian selection, it slapped coastal authorities in the face, as his fully stocked Panamax class Pleasure Boat is still “missing.”

We know he’s out there somewhere. Even our intel has recently had conflicting reports. We even have the suspicion that he may be subscribing to this blog, he may have even posted comments. So what it comes to now it’s our perseverance verses his games. We have never failed, (unless you consider an exquisite lemon glazed rosemary penguin broil with fresh lentils failure), and we don't envision allowing this little mastermind to best us now.

If you’re out there reading Toga, whether it's tomorrow, or five years from now, in the end we WILL have your penguin.

Toga's Alien Abduction

2007-12-11T18:47:00.001-08:00

We have obtained the photos from Toga's alleged Alien Abduction. It looks like his propaganda machine has thrown the press another red herring to throw the authorities off of his trail. Little does he know, we will always be watching....

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Not really a victim...

2007-12-08T07:18:00.001-08:00

We have continued our monitoring of our little penguin friend and have come across some disturbing observations. Today's supposed raid confounds us to a certain degree. From our records, Toga not only established the penguin-fighting ring, but was an active participant in the fights. He had the connections to bring in some big betters to the brawls. He also pretended to be in lock up in order to cement new ties within the penguin underworld. Not only were the fights rigged, but it looks like he truly enjoyed pummeling other penguins. It looks like he took his time to forge a bunch of documents in order to frame some of his enemies and friendly rivals. On top of it all, we saw him tip off his own operation to the cops from within his kennel. This caused enough disorder for him to finalize his ultimate scheme. Of the $600,000 the police found, we know that that total was about $150,000 short of all the buy in money. Toga's offshore accounts just happened to receive a deposit for that amount earlier this afternoon. It looks like he has his re-up money without alerting the authorities, we're just not sure where he's headed next.

Here is some further evidence of the penguins misdeeds:

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Toga has left the building...

2007-11-26T04:41:00.000-08:00

Toga has left the building...

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